Things Happen Quickly

I wish I had posted last week at this time..which is what I intended to do. I would have talked about how McDreamy and I went to this really nice restaurant for his birthday, and then we went to his friend's party. A week ago tonite we went to a really upscale bar, and I was just really happy to be around him. So last week, this entry would have been about how this dating thing, without exclusivity, can be great.

Then friday happenend.

Friday nite, right when we were going to bed, McDreamy decided that we needed to talk about defining our relationship..blah blah blah. Which ended in him telling me that he wasn't sure what he wanted because, and I quote, he could not see himself marrying me. Uhm..thats quite a statement to be made after knowing someone for uh-month. Is something that terribly wrong with me that after one month of not even being in a relationship that he knows he wouldn't want to marry me? Even if he came to this conclusion..why say that? Keep that to yourself.

And then he was like..but i still want to hang out with you..blah. Now it has been a week. We haven't actually talked on the phone..or in person. Which is a big change from the past month where we talked to eachother at least once a day. And I have been totally out of proportions depressed. I mean, I was fine with just open dating..but now for some reason I'm totally bothered by this entire situation. Which is stupid. But I mean..I think what he said is very hurtful. And I was just starting to trust him. Also, I think I was using him as a way to not face how homesick I am. Which is ALOT. So now I'm lonely and homesick..and basically a mess. Which is stupid. Stupid stupid stupid.

I'm done.